Promise Rings
by Peaceouttalove
Summary: Kyle gets a big surprise from his boyfriend on his birthday. Kyman
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little Kyman one-shot to help me through my writer's block for my other stories. Kyle's POV. Tell me if I should make it a chapter fic? R&R please and you will get a free internet brownie**

May 26th, my birthday. You would think I'd be doing something special for my eighteenth, but I'm not. But it's not like I want to. You see I'm not the type of person who enjoys wild and crazy parties and getting drunk. What with finals next week, I couldn't afford to lose any brain cells thanks to alcohol. What I did have planned was to eat a special oatmeal cookie that my mom always baked for me, and open the various presents my friends and families will give me throughout the day (after school of course because school came before anything).

6:15-I hit the snooze button and figured I could get a few more minutes of sleep in. Of course, my phone's vibration had to wake me up. Who in the right mind would text me at this hour?

_Happy b-day, Joo! _I rolled my eyes. And pushed my head back onto my pillow. I wonder if Eric texted me this early to purposely annoy me (But the 'Joo' thing was enough). It was amazing how much our relationship has changed over the past two years.

_Two years ago_...

"All right, fat ass, if we're gonna do this, you're gonna have to pay me up front." I said. The only way we agreed to have these study sessions was if he paid me. Cartman could call me a greedy Jew all he wanted, but there was no way I was tutoring him for free.

"Kahl, I didn't bring you here to tutor me." Cartman said his voice suddenly taking on a serious tone. I crossed my arms, "Then what the hell am I doing here?!" "If you'd shut up, I'd tell you." He shouted back.

He suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled my against his chest when I tried to leave. I couldn't stop myself from blushing...Oh man, was he going to rip on me for that, but I couldn't help it, he we were so close together and he was squeezing my hand so tight.

I looked up and was surprised to see that Cartman looked just as flustered as I was. "Look, Kahl, I know, I'm supposed to hate you, and I've tried to, but ever since you came back from Israel after your bar mitzvah I...I...can't look at you without noticing how incredibly hot you are."

Dude. My heart skipped a beat. Did he really just say that? Well, I did get a really good tan in Israel, but still.

"I just wanted you to know how I feel about you because it's been killing me on the inside. I don't care if you don't like me back, and never talk to me again, but I-"

That's all it took, I don't know what came over me, I just leaned in and kissed him.

_Present Day..._

When I didn't respond, Eric texted me back. _Strk's Pond, ASAP. _It was too fucking early for secret meetings...although a hot make out session would be a great way to start out my birthday.

Another five minutes passed by and I got another text from my anxious boyfriend. _'Plz, Joo, don't keep me waiting this is really important! _I groaned and decided to see what it was he wanted.

* * *

"'Bout fucking time you showed up." Eric said as he waited expectantly for me by a tree looking sexy as ever. "You know I hate waking up early. What do you want?" I said.

"Do you love me?" The question was so random and unexpected. I didn't even know the answer. I knew I was totally hot for him and loved his company but did I love _him? _

"It's not that hard, Kahl, just say yes or no." Eric said. "Give me a chance to think fat ass!" I said. I remembered all the kind words we shared, the sweet kisses, the passionate sex...Oh my God...I'm hard as rock and in love!

"If you have to think about this much, then-" "YES! I love you, Eric, I love you so much, I'm sorry I took so long to answer you, the question just threw me off, and you know I always over think things." I cried. I hopped into Eric's arms and he cradled me like I was his baby...sometimes being small and scrawny held its advantages.

"You really mean it?" Eric asked as he held me. "Of course I mean it." He removed my hat, and let my red hair flow down to my shoulders. There was no point of getting it cut, since I always stuffed it into my hat. Eric began to play with my hair, as I looked up at him and asked, "Do you love me?"

Eric put me down and said, "That's why I brought you here. I have something for you." He reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a ring. "Happy birthday, Kahl, marry me?" I stared at him, my mouth wide open. Was this for real? The ring didn't even have a diamond and he wasn't down on one knee.

"It's not official, if that's what your thinking, it's a promise ring to say that someday, I'll really propose to you when we're ready. I have one, too, right here." Eric showed off an identical ring on his left finger. "I don't want to sound cliché, but I love you more than anything in the world..including KFC...and it would make me the happiest man in the world if you-" "YES!" I was crying as I took the ring and slid it onto my finger.

"I love you." I sighed as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. My cock and heart were going to explode pretty soon. "I love you more." Eric said and he captured my lips.

We made out for what seemed like hours, but when it started to rain, we realized that we were going to be late to school if we didn't hurry. I suddenly couldn't imagine a birthday gift better than one Eric had given me.


	2. Chapter 2

**OK, so on behalf of kymangirl and Tamilove I'm gonna make this into a chapter fic. For those of you who are still interested, can you hell me come up with a better title as I come along with story. Thanks. **

**Chapter 2**

We arrived to class late, which really pissed me off, but Eric seemd to care less. When Stan asked about us being late and flushed cheeks, we blamed it on a fight that lasted longer than we had anticipated.

"Sucks. Anyway, Ky, happy birthday, I know they say that eighteen a lucky number in Judaism and I happened to find this four leaf clover in my backyard last week. So, I want you to have it."

"Oh my God! These things are so rare. Are you sure you want to give it to me?" I asked as I took the plant from him. "Of course, you're my super best friend, you deserve it." Stan insisted. "Thank you so much!" I hugged him.

Someone cleared their throat from behind us. "You've ruined Kyle's birthday enough, fat ass. Fuck off!" Stan said. "You want _me _to fuck off. I was minding my own business when I saw you two fags hitting it off. You two should go fuck off and get a room."

Eric flipped us off and headed in the other direction of the Stan wasn't following my gaze to his ass.

"Hang on, what's that?" Stan called after him. Eric turned, "What's what?" "That on your hand..Is that a ring?"

Oh shit. That fucking idiot. I told him to keep his god damn gloves on. Did he want to get caught? Now we have to go elope to Nevada before anyone else can find out about us. That had been our backup plan all along, and until then I never thought Eric had been serious about it. But now as he looked nonchalantly between the ring, me and Stan, it seemed like he was dead serious about it.

"Yeah, it's a ring. You have a problem with promise rings, hippie?" Eric said. "Dude. Since when did you have a girlfriend...Let alone able make a commitment like this. It's a little late for an April Fool's joke, don't you think?" Stan said.

"Oh please, of course I can make a commitment, unlike you and your bitch who are always breaking up. Now, I can't be late to my second class as well as my first, can I?"

Eric nodded in my direction as he left, "Jew." I nodded right back, keeping my poker face, "Fat ass."

We could both read between the lines: Nevada it was.

**Yeah I know it's crappy, but it'll get better. I promise. R&R, please. **


	3. Chapter 3

**As you can see, I changed the title to Promise Rings. I think it fits better. R&R. Please. Thank you.**

**C****hapter 3**

I had my whole future planned out in a notebook that I wrote poetry in. With all my money for college, I could afford a house in Nevada for us. I found two tickets for Vegas at a very cheap price leaving first thing tomorrow morning. We would get married, and live happily ever after finding whatever jobs we could get. Maybe I could publish my poems.

"Hey, Jew boy." Eric greeted me. "Hey, fat boy. Why aren't you at lunch?" "Ay! Just because I'm big boned doesn't mean I always have to be first in the cafeteria. And I could ask you the same question. Why aren't you at lunch, Kahl?"

He grabbed my notebook and read what I had planned. "Well, what do you think. Can we pull it off?" I said. Eric laughed, "You're overreacting, Kahl. So one person saw the ring, big deal.

Believe me, I'd love nothing more than to elope right now, but I care about your future too. You should be able to go to finish high school, go to college and get a decent job. You deserve it."

He made sure nobody was looking before kissing my cheek. "Now, come on, let's go eat something, you're too fucking skinny for my taste." "I love you." I whispered as headed into the cafeteria.

When we got there, Stan knocked Eric down. "I'm gonna fucking kill you, fat ass!" I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. I watched in horror as my Superbest Friend brought a knife towards my boyfriend's neck. Even if it revealed our secret, I had to do something.

"Stan no!" I cried and tried to pull him away from Eric. We had attracted a crowd at this point. "It's not worth it." I whispered. Stan looked around at all of the witnesses and realized I was right.

Wendy pushed her way through the crowd and kicked Stan in the balls. "Stan, you have made a complete fool out of yourself!" "But Wendy, I-" "It's not Eric's baby! It's Token's."

I gasped along with Bebe and a bunch of other girls. Wendy was pregnant? That was totally unexpected.

"It's true." Token stepped forward and grabbed Wendy's hand, both matched with promise rings like mine and Eric's. I put two and two together and instantly knew why Stan tried to kill Eric.

Stan made a lunge for Token, but Eric, Kenny, and I held him back. "Trying to kill the fat ass is one thing, but Token is black and freaking rich if he charges you for a hate crime you'e screwed." I whispered.

"You're right." Stan sighed and we followed him back to our table. The crowd dispersed and everybody seemed to forget what had happened.

"So, Cartman, if you're not engaged to _my _girlfriend. Then who are you engaged to?" Stan asked. "Oh, Cartman, I'm so sorry for trying to kill you." Eric mimicked Stan's tone. "Oh, right, about that, fat ass, I'm sorry." Stan said flippantly.

"Screw you." Eric replied, "And to answer your question. My sex life is none of your fucking business."

"I'll bet he's engaged to his mom." Kenny laughed. Stan joined in. "Fuck you fags!" Eric growled.

My head suddenly began to spin and I felt very weak. Everything around me was a blur. I tried to take a bite of a french fry, but it tasted like plastic.

"Hey, what's the matter, Ky?" Stan asked, "It's your birthday, and you have the perfect excuse to rip on the fat ass. You should be happy."

"I feel sick." I answered honestly. Stan's eyes bulged. "Shit! You must've forgotten to take your insulin. You've gotta go to the nurse." Crap. He was right. How could I forget? Eric rushed me to get to Stark's Pond and then...

* * *

"W-what happened?" I moaned as I opened my eyes. "You forgot to take your insulin this morning, bubbleh." Mom said. I looked around and realized that I was in a hospital room. Damn this birthday was starting to suck.

Wait a minute, they must've taken off my glove off to give me my insulin shot. I glanced at my hand, and sure enough my ring was exposed. Mom was not going to like this, that was, if she didn't already notice it.

Who knew that in just a few hours, this ring could change from the best gift I ever received to nothing but a catalyst for trouble?


	4. Chapter 4

**Prepare for this story to take on a completely different direction. Thank you for all your support. Continue to R&R please.**

**Chapter 4**

Mom left me so the doctors could run some tests. She didn't say anything about the ring, so I was praying she hadn't seen it.

A doctor told me that there was another boy named Kyle in the room next door. He could've just left it at that, but he had to leave me the depressing idea that that Kyle was dying.

"Now do me a favor and count backwards from ten." He said as he placed a masked over my face. "Wait, what's the medicine for? I thought you were just running some tests." I said. "We are, but it will be easier to do that if you're asleep." I nodded and began to count backwards.

* * *

When I awoke a man was carrying me across a dark hallway. "Dude! What the hell's going on?" I cried. He dropped me and gasped. "Y-You're supposed to be dead." One of them said.

"No, I'm not! You must've gotten my paperwork mixed up with the other Kyle." I said. "Well, I get paid based on the amount of people I put into coffins." He said. "What's that supposed to mean?" I said.

He picked me up again, "It means dead or not, you're going into that coffin." "No, it doesn't!" I shouted. I kicked him and ran for it. "You can't run forever!" The man called after me. He pulled out a gun and started shooting at me. Was he nuts? Well, I guess you kinda have to be with a job like that.

I ran past my oblivious, crying family. Oh God, they thought I was dead. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what they were feeling. If only I could go back and tell them that I was OK, but then this maniac would catch up to me and I would really be dead.

The man was still chasing me when I arrived at Eric's doorstep. I don't know why I stopped here, but I found myself practically knocking the door down with how hard I was banging on it.

The moment Eric opened the door, I ran into his arms and slammed the door shut behind us, locking it as well.

When I was sure I was safe, I broke down, covering Eric's jacket in my tears. He patted my back in support as he held me.

"Your heart is beating so fast. What the hell happened, Kahl?" Eric said. He sat me down on the couch as I caught my breath. "These are for you, by the way, since I was gonna visit you in the hospital." Eric handed me some roses. "They're beautiful. Thank you." I said.

"Now, why don't you tell me what happened?" Eric said as he gently squeezed my hand. "Where do I start?" I said, "Well, let's see, I'm fine, but long story short, they mixed up my papers with some kid also named Kyle who died and now this crazy coffin dude is after me."

_Ding-Dong! _Through the peephole I could see that it was the man. "That's him!" I hissed. "OK, stay here." Eric said as he went to answer the door.

"Can I help you?" he asked. "Hello, my name is Rex. Have you seen a redhead around here lately?" "Nope. I'm kinda busy. Bye." Eric slammed the door in his face.

How did he know I had red hair? My hair was hidden under my hat, wasn't it? But when I reached up to touch my head, I found that my green hat was gone!

Before Eric could return to my side, the phone rang. He picked it up, "Hello. Nope, she'll be home later. It's just me and Mr. Kitty II...Shit, really, I'm so sorry, that really sucks. Bye."

Eric turned back to me, "Kahl, that was your mom. It's official, Jew. You're legally claimed dead."


	5. Chapter 5

**Prepare for one of Eric's craziest schemes yet! **

**Chapter 5**

I spent the rest of the afternoon crying into Eric's shoulder. "What am I gonna do?" I sobbed, "If I go back home and tell everyone I'm not dead, the man will come after me."

"Don't worry. We'll call the police and explain everything." Eric assured me. He reached for the phone.

Before he could dial 9-1-1 his mom came in with a bag of groceries. "Eric, I ran into Mrs. Brovfloski at the store. I have some bad news, you may want to sit do-"

Liane's eyes were now on me. Eric released his grip from around my waist, "Mom, I can explain." "Explain what?" She laughed, "The fact that you have a beautiful girl in your life. I guess I'll leave you two to it before I break the bad news. There's condoms in that bottom cabinet if you need them." Liane set the groceries down and headed upstairs.

Huh. I guess I did look like a girl with my hair down like this. Maybe I should've gotten it cut...Or just get a new hat.

"I just had a crazy idea, Kahl. Hear me out." Eric said, "What if you pretended to be a girl. Then we can be together and you don't have to worry about the guy coming after you." I started to laugh until I realized he was being serious, or "seriously" as he would put it.

"Are you insane!" I cried. "No, think about it. You're always complaining about how you look like a girl, minus the boobs. And now you don't have to worry about your parents, or anyone for that matter disowning you for being gay." Eric pointed out.

"I'm not doing it!" I said. "Come on, Kahl, you'd look so pretty. And we won't have to lie to everyone about being together." I looked down at our linked hands and then back into Eric's pleading brown eyes. Goddamn it, why did they have to fucking sparkle.

"But everyone will know it's me." I said. "Not with makeup." Eric said. Wow, he was really serious about this.

"OK, no is my answer and that's final!" I declared, "Now, I'm calling the police to get my life back."

"And what happens when your mom finds out about us and sends you away to some Jewish boarding school in Israel for the rest of your senior year?" Eric said. "Well, I'm sure we can talk on the phone."

He ignored my comment and continued to describe my future, "And then you'll live her dream of going off to Harvard or some fancy college on the other side of the country and by the time you come home, you'll be so brainwashed, that you'll forget all about me and that life you doodled up in that notebook."

I rolled my eyes, drama queen much. "How could I ever forget about you?" I said. "But Kahl, if you do this for us, we might be able to have that life you drew up." Eric said. I looked into his gorgeous dead seriously eyes wanting nothing but my happiness and me to love him back.

I suddenly saw my notebook life come to action. Eric and I, living in a small house somewhere near Vegas after get hitched there. But this time, there was one catch to my vision...

"I'll do it." I whispered. Our life together would be worth sacrificing my manhood... Hopefully.

"That's my girl." Eric said and kissed my head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone who is still reading. You have no idea how much I appreciate these R&Rs so keep it up! I love you guys so much!**

**Chapter 6**

First thing was first. I needed to get makeup and girl clothes. Neither of which I had. Eric took me to Liane's room and gestured to the walk-in closet.

"You'll find everything you need in here. I'm normally not allowed in here under any circumstances, same goes for my friends, but Mom never said my fiancé wasn't allowed in here."

I let out an embarrassing giggle as soon as I comprehended the word "fiancé". This was the first time he referred to me as this.

"You see, you even giggle like a girl, you'll do fine." Eric said, "Now, get your sexy Jewish ass in there!"

"OK, OK." I said as I went into the closet. Sure enough, there were slutty dresses, skirts and blouses, and makeup. I could understand why Liane didn't want Eric coming in here. These clothes would make me look like a hooker!

Luckily for me, my short and skinny stature came in handy again. Since Liane was a lot taller than me, the clothes that were supposed to have a tight, slutty look, they gave me a baggier, modest look. I picked out a cute emerald dress that matched my eyes. It fit perfectly, coming down to about my knees.

"What do you think?" I asked Eric as I showed off the dress. He looked me over with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Can you do a little twirl for me like they do in the movies?" I twirled around, letting the dress swirl along with me. Eric made a grab for my ass, but I slapped his hand.

"Awe come on," Eric practically pleaded, "you know I can't resist you, especially when you look as cute as you do now." My cheeks became tomatoes.

"So you really think I can pull this off?" I asked. "Yeah, you can't help it that you're short. It fits great as a dress." Eric said. I looked up at him, confused, "Huh?" "Oh, I thought you knew, it's supposed to be a shirt, or on my mom it's supposed to be." Was it possible for my cheeks to be getting redder because it felt like they were.

"But if you really want to do this, you need a bra." Eric said. "Shit, you're right...Um...Can you help me. I don't really know where it hooks or straps or whatever." "OK, I guess A can go in there just for this once."

* * *

"Ow!" I cried. "If you hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much." Eric said. He ran the flat iron down another curl, careful not to burn me again. "It's been an hour, are you done yet?" I moaned. "It's not my fault you never combed your hair in your life. I'm just making up for all the years you shoved all of this under your hat."

"Well, can I at least look in the mirror?" I asked. "Not until I'm done. And we still have makeup. Trust me, Kahl, when I'm done with you, not even you're bitchy mom will be able to recognize you." Eric said.

"Goddamn it, Eric, don't call my mom a-AAA, SON OF A BITCH!" "Shit! That's a really bad burn, let me get some ice. Stay here." Eric ran off and was back in a minute with an ice pack, which he placed on my neck burn. "Better?" He asked and kissed the sore spot. "Yeah."

* * *

"All right, ready to meet Kylie?" Eric said. "Yes, I've been asking for the past ninety minutes, now take this fucking blindfold off of me!" I shouted. "OK, prepare to be blown away." I felt his fingers gently unwrap the blindfold.

I gasped when I saw the reflection of Eric and the mysterious red-haired girl standing next to him. The only thing I recognized were her green eyes, even still, her lashes were so much longer than normal, and dark eyeliner made them stand out more than normal. Actually, I take that back, I recognized her crooked Jewish nose. I smiled at that familiarity, some things never change. The smile made me examine the girl's lips that were now unrecognizable behind the thick mask of bright red lipstick. Were they always that fully and pouty, or did the lipstick just bring that out? Last, was her most unrecognizable trait, hair. While the color remained the same, the texture was completely different, straight, thick, and soft as silk.

"Well?" Eric eventually asked, "Am I a miracle worker or what?" "You're right." I said, "I don't think my mom would recognize me, but if she did somehow, it would be the death of me."

"Now comes the fun part." Eric said, "You're backstory. So, who are you? Why are you living with me? How did we meet? How long have we been engaged?"

We spent the rest of the evening creating me a whole biography. I'm serious, Eric literally had me write a biography in my notebook to go by so we would get our story straight. He knew every little detail about Kylie Bernstein. He knew her better than I did, which is flattering, I guess.

After quizzing me on my life (Where and when were you born? That kinda thing), Eric decided that it was time to official introduce his fiancé to his mom.


	7. Chapter 7

**A review or two would make my day. Keep it up guys, thanks, you're so cool!**

**C****hapter 7**

"Mom, Kylie's gonna live with us 'cause her parents died, and by the way, we're engaged." Eric said flippantly. Liane practically jumped for joy when she heard the news,"Oh, that's wonderful! Well, not about your parents. I'm sorry to hear about that.

That reminds me, Eric, can I speak to you alone about something serious." "Sure thing, Mom." Eric followed her to the other room while I stayed back, just close enough to be able to eavesdrop.

Liane sighed, "Oh, Eric, I don't know how I can tell you this." "It's about Kahl, isn't it?" Eric asked.

"Yes, how did you know?" Liane replied. "I got a call earlier from his mom. So it's true, he's really gone?" I noticed a slight quiver in Eric's voice. Pretty convincing, if I didn't know he was my manipulative fat ass, I would think he was actually sad. "I'm afraid so." Liane said.

"You mean, I'll never hear his voice calling me out again? Oh God! This isn't happening! Not Kahl, anyone but him!" Eric cried as he dragged me upstairs to his room.

"I'll leave you two alone. Dinner's in about fifteen minutes, but you can come when you've collected yourself." Liane called.

The minute we heard Liane walking back downstairs, Eric wiped the tears from his eyes and pulled me into a hug. "One down, every one else to go." "Well, it's not like I had to do anything. You were pretty convincing." I laughed.

"Shit, I forgot." Eric said as he placed a tube attached to a pump into my mouth, "Just try to breath normally." Before I could react, he started to pump."What the hell are you-"

I put my hand to my mouth in shock. "What did you do to my voice, I sound like a fucking chipmunk!" squeaked (yes squeaked). "Haven't you ever heard of helium, Kahl?" He started guffawing.

"This isn't funny!" I shouted. "No, you're right. It's hysterical! But I had to. Now you'll sound like a girl." Eric laughed. "Dumbass, don't you know-" I grinned as my voice returned to normal, "Helium wears off!"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Now what are we going to do?" Eric said. I imitated his tone from earlier, "Haven't you ever heard of falsetto, Eric?" I cleared my throat and made my voice go high, "It's a lot safer than pumping helium into my mouth."

"Pretty good. Now give me your hand." Eric took my hand and started doodling on it with a sharpie. "Oh no, you're not doing what I think you're doing." I laughed when I saw the crappily drawn face that was supposed to symbolize JLo.

"Dinner's ready! Come down when you feel like it!" Liane called. "We should probably go down. Keep this on you in case you forget." Eric tossed me my notebook. "OK, let me just wash my hand off."

As I examined my new face in the mirror and washed my hands, I noticed another face in the mirror, watching me. Eric caught me staring at him and winked before he headed downstairs. My smile didn't fade as I followed him.

"Salads? What the hell, Mom! I thought you were bringing in KFC." Eric cried. I rolled my eyes and took a seat next to Liane.

"I hope you don't mind. My...um...job requires me to lose weight, and I think its best if you try to lose weight, too, Eric." "I can't lose weight, I'm big boned, you of all people should know that!"

Liane ignored this, and turned to me, "So, while on the topic of dieting, Kylie, are there any dietary needs I should know about?" Was she serious? She really thought I would let her cook for me every single night? "Oh, you don't have to worry about that, I can cook for myself." I replied (sure to use my falsetto).

Eric snickered, "Yeah right. You don't know the first thing about cooking." I crossed my arms, "How would you know? I doubt you're any better." "For your information, I passed off as Gordon Ramsay once." "You fooled Randy Marsh, good job, fat ass!" I said sarcastically.

Liane cleared her throat, "Kylie, it is no problem cooking for you. You are my guest. Better yet you're family, the daughter I never had. Which reminds me, after dinner, we'll set up the guest room for you."

"Oh, no, it's OK, I can sleep with Eric. I mean he's my fiancé, I should get used to sleeping in the same bed with him." I said. I felt myself blush, as I used the word "fiancé" for the first time.

"All right. Now, as for your dietary needs..." Liane gestured for me to tell her. "I'm diabetic." I said. She nodded.

"Oh, what should I do about your paperwork? I know your parents past, but do you have any other family, or legal guardians, or-"

I cut Liane off, "I'm eighteen, you don't have to adopt me or sign anything to make living here legal, I can do what I want now that I'm an adult."

"And what should I do about school. I know there's only six moths left, but-" "-I'll get her there early tomorrow and we'll arrange shit with Mackey, don't worry about it." Eric said.

"You know this isn't too bad." He said as he took a bite of his salad. "That's because you loaded it with that fattening dressing." I pointed out. "Aye! Fuck you, Kah-Kylie!"

I sighed and did a Stan (nose pinch). This would be so much harder if Eric didn't keep his cool. Luckily, Liane didn't notice.

* * *

The hot shower was exactly what I needed. It made me feel relaxed and let the chaos of the day flood down the drain with the hot water.

As I reached for the shampoo, I found that it was missing from the rack. "Looking for this?" Eric handed me the bottle. "Thanks." I said nonchalantly as I took it from him.

He laughed, "I was expecting more of a high pitched shriek followed by a, 'What the hell do you think you're doing fat ass!'" I hated it when he mocked my tone.

I shrugged, "I really don't mind sharing a shower with you...We've done kinkier. To be honest, I was kinda expecting you to come. What took you so long?" "I don't know. Now quit hogging the water!" Eric said.

I splashed him. In return, he squeezed the shampoo on me. Then we both grabbed soap bars and started scrubbing each other squeaky clean. He pushed me against the shower wall, covering me in kisses.

"We should do this more often." I moaned. "No, it should be special, like a birthday gift. Sorry your birthday turned out so crappy." "It's not your fault." I said, "You've done nothing at all today except help me and love me and give me presents." I gestured to the promise rings sitting by the sink beside the shower.

"Well, the real party starts tonight, call it a house warming party, if you want, but we should have a private little get-together to celebrate the rest of our lives together." Eric said as he turned off the water.

"Oh, and remind me to show you how to use the flat iron by yourself, 'cause your gonna need it." He said as he mummified me in a towel. One look in the mirror told me that my hair had poofed up again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Shoutout to random guest: I have a feeling everyone is waiting for Kylie to meet Stan and Kenny, and that's why I'm holding it off so long. To build suspense and force people to read (ya I know I'm evil). Next chapter I promise! **

**Please continue to show your support through R&Rs. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Did I say thank you? ;)**

**Chapter 8**

'7 _new messages'. _Gee, I leave my phones off for about a day and suddenly I'm Mr. Popular.

_Stan: R u OK?_

_Stan: Coming 2 c u_

_Stan: Doctors won't let me in. Family only :(_

_Stan: Ur mom says ur really sick. Hang in there. _

_Stan: Ike says ur dead. It's a trick, right?_

_Stan: Answer me Kyle, I'm starting to worry. _

_Stan: It's true. I don't know what 2 say. Well, here goes, Ky, if u can read this, wherever u r, I'm sure it's a better place, I love u, I'll never forget u. C u soon. _

"See you soon?" I echoed. Oh God. Stan was going to kill himself. And it was all my fault. I promised Eric I wouldn't and I would get in so much trouble for this, but...

_I'm not dead. Long story. Call me. I can explain. Sorry I scared u like that. _

Before I could hit send, Eric yanked the phone away from me. "Are you fucking crazy?" He cried. "Just Stan. He can keep our secret. He's kept all of mine in the past and I've kept all of his. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he killed himself over this." I shouted as I tried to grab the phone back.

Eric ignored my pleas, "How 'bout I get you a new phone. I've been hearing good reviews about the newest iPhone." "You know how much I hate apple products! Please, please, please, let me tell Stan. Just a quick phone call." I was on my knees at this point, I knew he could never resist my puppy dog eyes, but this time, however...

"I'm doing this for your own good, Kahl. I'll give you your phone back later, now get ready, we're gonna be late."

* * *

On the bright side, Eric kept his promise. When we got to school, he gave me my phone back. But the neon green case had been replaced by a bright pink one with little red hearts, and most of my photos and contacts had been deleted. He had also changed my number, or so he tells me.

"All right, let's go see Mackey." At first I protested to Eric grabbing my hand as we headed for Mackey's office. Then, I remembered we were publicly together now. This was going to take some getting used to.

"Hello, Eric, it's good of you to show a new student around, mmm'kay." New student? Well that was fast. I was expecting paper work and questioning. "Kylie, you can have locker 5, mmm'kay, here's the combination." I grinned at the news, my same locker!

But then I remembered something. "How did you know my name?" I asked. "Liane sent me an email explaining everything. Along with some files, including a picture of you and your basic information." Mackey explained.

I guess Eric was smart to create a fake facebook page for me. That was probably where Liane got the photo from. I just hope it wasn't the one of me in a bikini.

"That's all we needed to know." Eric said. "Mmm'kay, don't do drugs, mmm'kay." I nodded and pretended to give a shit as we walked out.

Craig greeted us, "Is he ready for me?" "Yup." Eric said. Craig looked at me, "So, it's true, you are engaged?" "Yup." Eric repeated. "Craig, meet Kylie, Kylie meet Craig."

Craig flipped me off as he said, "You have mental problems, bitch. Are you blind or something? You can do _way _better than the fat ass." "Nice to meet you, too." I called as he left.

"What an asshole!" Eric said, "Come on, let's go see your locker." I pretended to follow him because I wasn't really supposed to know the way to my locker. "Everyone's staring at us." I whispered. "Yeah, 'cause you're hot as hell." Eric replied as he played with a strain of my hair.

"No, we're staring more because we can't believe you were telling the truth about being engaged and that someone would actually _like _you." Clyde said. "But, with that being said, congratulations." He subtly slipped me a note.

_If it doesn't work out call me! Here's my number-_

I crumpled up the paper and threw it into the trash. "That's my girl." Eric said. I think he purposely made sure everyone was watching when he slammed me against the locker and captured my lips.

I wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't hesitant to kiss back, just as hard, let my tongue wrap around his, moaning into his mouth, about to-

"Heya, Eric, I heard you were engaged! Is it true?" Butters seemed to pop out of nowhere. "No, this girl I happen to be french kissing is my twin sister." Eric said sarcastically, "Now do us a favor and get lost."

"But Eric, I thought you were an only child, and isn't it illegal or something to marry your sister?" Butters scratched his head. "Oh my God Butters, I swear I'm going to fucking kill you!" Eric growled.

I rolled my eyes and headed to my locker as they chatted. When I opened it, I was shocked to find that my old stuff wasn't moved out. I found my spare hat and smiled. I really missed that old thing, even though we had only been parted for about a day.

"Oh!" a girl cried from behind me. I turned to see Bebe softly sobbing. "Sorry, it's just that *sob* I always had a crush on him and *sob* even though it didn't work out between us *sob* he was such a sweet guy." "It's OK, I understand." I said.

So, Ken was right, Bebe did have the hots for me. Sucks that I was gay. I knew she could be a bitch sometimes, but seeing her so sad like this made me really feel bad for her.

"Don't worry, Bebe, I'm sure they'll clean it out by the end of the day." Wendy said as she patted her back.

She smiled at me, "Hi, Wendy Testaburger, school president, head of the newspaper, year book, and debate club." I shook her hand, "Kylie Bernstein."

"Oh, I know, gossip spreads fast in a small school like this. So, you're engaged to the fat ass?" Wendy stated. I nodded.

"So, do you love him or are you just getting married because your pregnant?" Bebe asked. "Or both? Because I love Token, so we're not just engaged because I'm carrying his baby." Wendy added. "Really? I thought you still loved Stan." Bebe said. "Stan? I never loved him, well, only as a friend, and I do feel bad for him, first Token and now Kyle's death."

Wendy sighed and turned back to me, "Anyway, answer the question, Kylie?" Might as well set things straight (especially since Eric was literally standing about twenty feet away). "Yes, I love him, and no I'm not pregnant. Does that clear things up?"

"So, have you gone all the way?" Bebe asked as they followed me to my first class. My face and blush gave that one away. She and Wendy giggled. "Was he good? Because I can't imagine Eric being as good, let alone, good as Kenny." Bebe said.

Goddamn it, another face away. I really had to stop blushing and giggling before I revealed something major (like the fact that I'm a dude, specifically they're friend who was supposed to be deadl).

"Guys, this is none of your business!" I cried. But then remembered I was supposed to be the new girl. "Um..Is this the right way to class?" "Yeah, yeah, it's this way, follow me." Wendy said.

Eric caught up to us as we entered the classroom. As everyone settled, I noticed that there were three empty seats, mine of course, Stan's, and Kenny's. "Where's Stan and Kenny?" I whispered. "Knowing them, I'd say poor boy is dead and hippie's out grieving your death." Eric replied.

"I hope it's not reversed." I uttered. "What? You still think Stan's gonna kill himself? I'll prove he's not dead." Eric pulled out his phone and texted Stan.

_Where r u? _

About a minute later Stan text back.

_At Kyle's mourning. _

"You see, he's fine." Eric reassuringly. "I don't know. Eric, please, can't I just tell him. He's my superbest friend and-"

Stan suddenly wrote another text, _**'**__I'll b back Monday. The funeral is tomorrow. I know u don't care but it would be nice 4 u to show up and pay ur respects.' _

"All right everyone let's take our seats." Ms. Garrison* said as she walked into the classroom.

I was so tempted to take my usual seat in front of Eric, but I stayed put and waited anxiously for Ms. Garrison to acknoledge me. Finally she looked me over, "Have we met before?" Shit. "Nope never. If you haven't heard. I'm new here my name is-"

"Kylie Bernstein, yes. That's where I've seen you, the picture Mr. Mackey showed me from your files. You can take Kyle's seat for now, right in front of Eric." I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat down.

Ms. Garrison continued, "Speaking of Kyle, as I'm sure most of you have heard, he died last night. His funeral's tomorrow. So a quick moment of silence will do."

I counted the seconds in my head as I looked around at my piers, who seemed to be holding back sniffles. Huh, I guess people outside of Stan, Kenny, and Eric, did care about me after all.

When my eyes met with Eric's he smiled and winked at me. Then he yawned loudly and purposely distrupting the silence at around fifteen seconds in. There were none of the usual snickers that would follow some his stupid antics. Instead, people glared at him with anger and disgust, telling him that this time he went too far.

"All right, that's good enough." Ms. Garrison said, "Now let's go back to math, if you would turn your book to page 298, please."

**Wow nothing really happened in that chapter. Sorry. *I decided to make him a girl to kinda fit the theme. Idk why though. Um R&R thanks. **


	9. Chapter 9

**As promised Kylie will meet Stan and Kenny in this chapter! R&R please.**

**Chapter 9**

"This is the most fucked up thing I've ever done." I said more to myself than to Eric. "It's not that crazy. Here, my mom kept her old heels from when she was a girl, in case she had a daughter I think they'll fit." He handed me the heels which seemed to match the black dress (or should I say blouse) perfectly.

Eric chuckled as I tried on the heels. "What? Do I look stupid?" I asked. "You're still a midget." He laughed. "I'm not a midget!" I stomped my foot down and suddenly the heel snapped. Eric caught me before I fell. "Maybe you shouldn't go with heels."

* * *

"I wonder who's really in the casket?" I whispered as I stared down at the coffin. "It's probably empty, or maybe it's the boy they mixed your papers with." Eric replied.

"Hey, fat ass, you showed, I thought you didn't care." I let out a sigh of relief when I heard my superbest friend's voice from behind us. Thank God Stan didn't kill himself over this.

We turned to see him, Kenny, and Butters. Kenny glanced at our intertwined hands and smirked pervertedly. "You know, cutie, that fat old junk ain't gonna last long, you should get to the good stuff while it's still available." He winked.

"Fuck off, poor boy, she's not interested." Eric took the words right out of my mouth. "Sorry." I said sweetly.

"So it's true, you are engaged?" Stan asked. I nodded as Butters said, "See, I told ya so." "Well, that's a shame because this beautiful thing won't suck itself." Kenny said. "I said fuck off!" Eric shouted.

"Fuck off? Oh I'd gladly fuck off." Kenny grabbed my hand, "What do you say, darling, ditch that son of a bitch, and come get some paradise." I slapped his hand, "No thank you!"

Kenny nodded, and backed away from me, "I understand. I guess a shorty like you likes things small." "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Eric shouted.

"Well, let's see, I can't be talking about your big mouth, or your big stomach, or your fat ass, so I must be talking about your small d-" "That's enough!" I shouted.

Eric flinched at my harsh tone that I normally saved for him (although when I screamed at him it usually was a couple pitches lower).

"Jesus Christ, why can't anyone understand that my heart belongs to Eric?" I said. "Oooh, ooh, I know!" Butters jumped up and down with his hand raised like I was a teacher and had just asked that to the class. "It was a rhetorical question, Butters." I sighed.

"Anyway, Kyle wouldn't want us to be fighting, especially now. So, if you don't mind I'm gonna go pay my respects." I said as I headed back towards the casket.

"But you don't even know him." Stan said. Ooops. Better think of something quick. "Um...well, I-I don't, but...I think I can guess what he would want at his funeral." Wow, really smooth, Ky.

"If you do not mind, we are going to start now, so everybody please take your seats." The rabbi said.

Again, this was the most fucked up thing I've ever done, watching everyone cry over me, listening to people who I barely knew babble on and on about how great I was.

"Can I say something?" Stan was the last to head up to the front to make a speech. "Normally, Kyle would be up here saying something, like he did for Chef, and that's why this is so wrong. He would never let anything die, an argument, an idea, a passion, even a pet. So now, knowing that he's gone, things will never be the same, but he would want us to try and live as best we can without him. And even though-" Stan started to cry, "I can't do this!" He ran off.

"All right, now we are going to burry the casket right here underneath Kyle's tombstone." The rabbi said.

* * *

When the ceremony was over, Stan returned to my grave, still crying. "Wait for me in the car, I'll be there in a minute." I told Eric as I approached my friend.

"Hey." I said gently. Stan looked up and nodded, "Hey." he said flatly. I handed him a tissue. "Thanks." He mumbled and continued to cry.

"If it helps, I thought your speech was great." It was not nearly as good as mine about Chef, but I kept this thought to myself.

"It wasn't nearly as good as Kyle's speech about Chef." Stan said. This didn't surprise, it happened a lot, Stan would say something and I would say, _'Dude, I was thinking the same exact thing!'_ or vice versa. We could practically hear each other's thought we were so close.

"I loved him." Stan said, "If he were a girl, I would've asked him out. I know that sounds fucked up, but-" "I understand." I said.

"And, here you are the day after Kyle passes, Kylie, pale, short, red hair, green eyes, beautiful, smart, understanding." Stan holds my Star of David necklace in his hand, and then looks back up and me and smiles.

"Perfect." He whispers and leans in, closes his eyes. Wait a minute, Stan was gonna-His lips are suddenly against mine and I'm too stunned to pull away. His kiss is soft, not what I'm used to, so gentle and timid, no tongue, but it was still passionate.

Stan pulls away, and opens his eyes. "I'm sorry Stan," I said, "My heart belongs to someone else." I guiltily ran back to Eric's car.

**A little Style. R&R**


	10. Chapter 10

**This is the second to last chapter. There will be an epilogue after this. R&R please, thanks. **

**Chapter 10**

"Mint?" Eric asked as I got into the car. I froze. He knew. "Oh, Eric, I'm so sorry. It was just a kiss it didn't mean anything, I swear!" I cried. "What was just a kiss?" Eric suddenly had a concerned look on his face rather than an angry one.

Oh shit, he didn't know, but I just gave it away. "Maybe you should take two mints." Eric handed them to me. "Please don't be mad." I said as I shoved the mints into my mouth.

"How can I be? You said it didn't mean anything. Did it?" Eric said. "No." I answered honestly, "It was too soft, like he was scared he might hurt me. You of all people should know I like things rough."

Eric chuckled, "That's surprising. With the way Ken's always bragging about hsi technique you'd think-"

"It wasn't Kenny." I said. "Then who was it?" Eric asked. "It was Stan." I replied.

"Stan? That fucking asshole! How dare he lay his hands on you." Eric shouted. "I thought you weren't mad." I said, "How can you say those horrible things about my superbest friend?"

"Because he doesn't really like you. He's using you to get back at Wendy." Eric said. "That's not true. Stan would never do that." I protested. "Belive me, he would. He almost killed me for that bitch, remember." Eric said.

"That's not true!" I said, "Stan didn't want to kill you, he just-" "Let's face it, Kahl, he's no better than a pathetic douchebag." "Don't say that!" I shouted.

"Wait a minute, are you crying?" Eric asked. My hand went to my wet cheeks, "I guess I am." "Why? Do you like him or something?" Eric said.

Not the bright red cheeks again. "No, I-" I sighed, there was no point hiding it, "Maybe I like him a little."

"You said it didn't matter. Why would you lie to me?" Eric shouted. "Because I didn't want you to overreact like you are now." I said. "You call this is overreacting! _This _is overacting!"

I saw Eric's hand go up and closed my eyes tight as it made stinging impact with my cheek.

* * *

"Kahl, Kahl, come back to me please." Eric said.

"Ow! Did you just slap me, dude?" I cried. My hand went to my sore cheek as I opened my eyes. I was no longer in the car, but on my back, at Stark's Pond, Eric standing above me.

"I'm sorry, Kahl, I had to. It works all the time in the movies." Eric said as he helped me up. "W-What happened?" I asked.

"I asked you if you loved me and you passed out on me. Are you OK?" Eric explained. "You mean it's my birthday again?" I whispered.

"What do you mean again, isn't once a year enough? Are you sure you're OK?" Eric asked. "No." I answered honestly, "I think I'm going crazy."

"If it helps, you drove me crazy, thinking you were gonna die. You scared the shit out of me, Jew. I never wanna feel like that again." Eric said. He squeezed my hands.

"So, none of that happened?" I clarified. "None of what happened?" Eric asked. "The proposal, Token and Wendy's baby, Rex, Kylie, my funeral, the kiss, the slap-"

"The slap did happen, but no, you must've dreamt the rest up. I'm just glad you're alive. I seriously can't live without you, Kahl." Eric said.

"Wait a minute, if I dreamt it all up, that means..." I looked down at our intertwined hands, no rings.

"So, Jew, if I ask you again will you promise not to pass out again?" Eric said. "I need my insulin, I'm not gonna make the same mistake I did before." I said as I took my insulin out of my bag.

"Is that why you fainted?" Eric asked as I pumped myself. "I think so." I said, "So, you were saying?"

"Do you love me?" Eric asked as bluntly as he did in my dream...Or was that real? Whatever, this time I wasn't going to keep him waiting because I knew the answer.

"Of course I love you." I said as I lept into his arms. "Good, because I love you more. Now I need to give you birthday present. Close your eyes and put out your hand." Eric said.

"Wait, who says you love me more?" I said. "Come on, Kahl, let's not be one of those couples who fights over which one loves the other one more, that's so gay. Now close your eyes and put out your hand." Eric said.

I rolled my eyes and did what he said. He placed a small wrapper in my hand. "Alright, open 'em." He instructed. "A condom!" I cried when I saw what Eric had given me.

"It's not just a condom. It represents your free ride on top." Eric explained. "Me? On top? I don't know dude, I like the bottom it makes me feel secure." I said.

"Well, it's your choice, Jew, I'm just giving you the option. But it really means that you now offically have my complete trust, that's why I had to ask if you loved me, to make sure you weren't just using me ot get on top." Eric explained.

"Hey, who's the manipulative one here?" I laughed, "I would never use you!" "Well, I was just taking precautions, you're still a Jew after all." Eric said. I kicked him.

"Happy birthday, Jew." Eric said. "I love you, fat ass." I said. He kissed me.

With this second chance, I was determined to make this birthday so much better than the last. And it was going to start with something I've never done before, but wanted to try.

I tackled Eric and covered him with kisses. "I thought you said that-" I cut Eric off, "There's no escape fat ass." I growled and giggled at the same time and it sounded rather embarassing but who gave a shit. I was me and I was with the one I loved and that was all that mattered in the end.


	11. Epilogue

**This is the last chapter. Thank you everyone for your support. A final R&R would rock. **

**Epilogue**

**9 years later **

Wendy dropped out of school right before graduation. She later found out that Token was cheating on her with Nichole and dumped his sorry ass. Stan was more than willing to take her back, just in time for her to give birth. Even though it was Token's son, Stan would raise Mark as if he was his own. Enough said.

Kenny became rich off of a lucky lottery ticket. Instead of investing the money towards college, like me and Stan told him to, he invested it in a brothel, where he ended up making more money than the lottery gave him. Of course Kenny said the money meant nothing to him, it was all about the sex. Specifically the sex with his most popular girl, Marjorine (I know, we're all still getting over the sex change, too).

As for Eric and me, well, we came out soon after I got accepted to Harvard. The phone call went something like this, _'Hey, Mom, I got into Harvard, and I'm at the airport about to fly there. Oh by the way, I'm gay for Eric Cartman, yeah, the anti semtic, fat ass, gotta go my flight's coming in. Tell Dad I say hi. Bye!' _

Eric and I kept up a long distant relatisonship thanks to little things called Skype, Thanksgiving, winter, spring, and summer vacations, God bless them.

While I was out studying away, hoping to continue to Harvard law school, Eric completely missed out on the whole college experience and became a professional chef. He got his own show on _Food Network _called, '_If you can't Take the Heat, get the *$&% out of the Kitchen'. _He was bigger than Randy at the time. And sometimes, (when I wasn't busy studying or having virtual sex with him), I got a chance to watch him compete in one of those Iron Chef thingies against Chef Ramsay or some other angry British cook.

Sure enough, I got into law school, and with a lot of hard work, I finally made it here: Graduation. In about an hour I would be holding a degree for law from Harvard. Of course, I would just end up taking over my dad's crummy old job as the only lawyer in a small redneck town. But at least the pay was good.

I suddenly got a text from Eric. '_Look in the audience.' _I grinned as I looked out into the crowd and saw him smiling back at me. He was of course wearing a red wig and sun glasses so no one would mug him. He stood up and cheered the loudest when my name was called.

I met up with Eric afterwards. "God, it's been forever, fat ass." I said. "I don't think you can call me that anymore, Jew." He replied. "What are you talking about?"

He took off his jacket to reveal a flat and somewhat muscular stomach. "Dude!" I cried, "How-" "Well, the Cooking Channel was losing it's ratings because of all the healthy eating hippies out there, so they used my title against me, saying either slim down or get the fuck out the kitchen. Do you like it?" Eric explained.

"Like it?" I said, "It's the sexiest thing I've ever seen!" I exclaimed. "I'm glad you think so, Kahl becuase you're gonna be seeing a lot more of it." The next thing I know, Eric shifts down to one knee, and just like my dream so many years ago, he held up a ring.

"Kahl Brovfloski, will you marry me?" "YES!" I cried and grabbed the ring. This time it wasn't just a silly old promise ring, it was the real deal, diamond and everything.

So began the rest of my life, as a lawyer for the stars in Hollywood and a lover to the man of my dreams. I couldn't ask for a better life.

**That's a wrap! Hope you liked it.**


End file.
